New size!

Okay so I haven't lost any weight lately...but I have lost a few inches. I'm hovering between 156-163lbs, a medium top and as of today here is my new pant size:

Seriously!!! A size 11 JUNIORS!!!   *No...I did not pay full price for them either*
Apparently my Mom as well as a few of my co-workers have complained that all I wear is yoga pants, which is pretty much true. In my defense, yoga pants are comfy, stretchy and breathable. They have been the only pants in which the butt does NOT sag...nor is the waist too tight or too loose. It is so much easier for me to wear the yoga pants as opposed to find a pair of pants that actually fit me.
 Anyhow....during lunch at work the other day, the following commercial came on t.v....in which my co-workers all looked at me and started laughing saying "This is YOU!"  This is sad...but yes....this is me..enjoy:

Oye...carbs...

So about two weeks ago, I started adding in steel cut rolled oats into my diet.
I figured that A) it's got plenty of fiber and B) I LOVE  a cinnamony cup of oatmeal from time to time.
Well...since then I have added Kashi cereal *aka 35 g CARB* as well as pb crackers *aka 20gCARB*
What is the result of adding these carbs into my diet???  I will tell you...MASSIVE CARB CRAVINGS!
It becomes more and more apparent everyday that I am a carb-junky. I cannot do just a little bit of carbs and be okay. *Carbs meaning any types of flour, wheat, pasta, bread, starchy veggies*

I wish I could be that RNY patient that can eat what they want in moderation...but I'm NOT. My body tends to lean towards the glucose intolerant side. I mean it when I say that I feel like a drug addict when it comes to carbs. Just a little...and it's ALL down hill from there!

Anyhow, to rectify the situation, I have gone through my pantry and gotten rid of all icky carby products.
I did keep a few packs of s.f. oatmeal that only has 15 carbs a serving. If I do get a 'hankering' for carbs and all other backup plans fail....I will make this with half a scoop of protein powder and lots of cinnamon. This will A.) satisfy carb craving and B.) give me around 15 grams of protein. Most oatmeal has 20+ g carbs per serving, so this product is the lesser of the evils. Again...this is last resort only.

Sadly, I have gained 2 lbs in the last two weeks....BUT onward and upward!! *And by upward I am not talking about the weight on the scale!!* LOL
I know what to do now, and I intend to do it!

Does anyone else suffer from carb-sensitivity, like me?

Oh, I have SO much to update!

Well yes...I've been a slacker as far as updating this blog is concerned...BUT I do have good things to report!

1.) I have found an exercise that is fun, gets me energized and makes me feel amazing!! What is this amazing exercise??? ZUMBA!! I have seen all the ads and infomercials on ZUMBA and thought...yeah...it's dancing...whoopie....  Well, a girl I work with has been asking me to attend a local ZUMBA class for awhile..and I finally went this past Thursday.
It was 60 minutes (though it only felt like 20) of high energy, motivating awesomeness! Naturally the girl that invited me is skinny, beautiful and use to do aerobics for many many years. I don't know how, but I kept up with her!
It was the first time, in I cannot tell you how long, that I got lost in what I was doing and loved it. I have found my new stress/fun outlet!!

2.) I am currently hovering between 158-159 (no 160's!! yay!!)
I'm hoping that with the ZUMBA I will get off the rest of the weight.  Realistically...I will be quite content at 150. *even though BMI I am suppose to weigh between 135-145 lbs*

3.) Carb wise I am between 28-35 carbs per day, 6 days a week...on the 7th day I allow myself to indulge a little bit...to around 50 carbs.

4.) For awhile, I've been wanting to reward myself for losing 130+ lbs. Nothing sounded good: ie: clothes, day at the spa etc.  Well after having a much needed 'girl's weekend' with some ladies I work with, it dawned on me...I want a tattoo! Naturally being a RNY patient that has lost weight, I love the whole concept of butterflies. I love butterflies anyways...but now they have more meaning to me. Okay, you may  not know this about me...but I do NOT like pain. I'm a wuss...nay.. I am a despiser of pain lol
How I got through even getting the tattoo is beyond me. I got a small pink/purple butterfly on the top of my foot-somewhere I could hide it if need be. This is a hug milestone for me and I wanted something meaningful as a reminder of this milestone. Will I get another tattoo...probably not! I did it though, and I have absolutely no regrets. :-)

I can tell that my body is changing still. My face is a lot thinner, as is my arms and legs. Sadly, the boobs have shrunk waaaay too much. The only 'flab-ish' parts I have are my upper back *around the bra area* and the belly. I can't help but wonder how much of this is just loose skin from me being so obese before.
Sadly, I have already had thoughts of wanting plastic surgery one day. Nothing major like a tummy tuck *ouch! I have seen these done where I work and they look painful!* I was thinking more along the lines of a breast lift/augmentation...just to get the 'girls' looking normal again. I don't want Dolly Parton boobs, but I would like something better than deflated balloons....  Again...this is 'one day'...meaning no time soon. And who knows, maybe I will just grow to love every part of me and just forget the surgery idea!

I hope I do grow to love my imperfections. I think the world is so engrossed in the idea of 'perfection'.  Yes I have stretch marks and excess skin and my body does not look very proportioned at present....but it's me. I feel a million times better NOW than I EVER have in my life! I feel like the inner me is finally lining up with the outer me. I can remember many, many times that I looked in the mirror and expected to see someone smaller, and healthier...only to see an obese/depressed girl looking back at me. In my mind's eye, I still see myself as the obese/depressed girl...but when I look in the mirror I see what I should've seen all along...a happy/healthy girl ready to take on the world!

I stumbled upon a photo the other day. It's a photo my Mom took while I was in the hospital, after I had my RNY surgery. *Side story before I show the pic*

My current boyfriend and I dated about 7 years ago. Although we dearly loved each other, we were both not ready to be in a relationship at that time, for many reasons.  Over the course of 5 years, I would get an email from him from time to time just checking in on me-but nothing more.
Fast forward to November 24th, 2009.........
I'm laying in a hospital bed, looking quite disheveled-hooked up to IV lines and all that jazz. I had just gotten back from the recovery unit and somehow walked from the stretcher to my bed. I remember talking with my Mom...and then all of a sudden she looked out the door of the room and her jaw drops. She looked at me and said, "Amy, you'll never guess who's here..."  Naturally,  I'm all goofy from the Morphine and say, "Ha ha...that would be funny if it was 'C' ..."   At that same moment, 'C' walked right into my room.
It gets kind of foggy, but I remember him giving me a stuffed animal-bird and feeding me ice chips.
We started dating only 2 months after he came back into my life that night in my hospital room. I was in love with him 5 years ago, and even more in love with him now. He told me that he thought I was beautiful laying in that hospital bed, even though I weighed 290lbs... I knew that if he could love the 'obese me', that he could love the 'healthy me'.
And now the picture.....

Being honest with myself...

So I've been batteling the +4 and -4 lbs...but why? I still have a ways to go to get to goal!
Well, in a nutshell, I have NOT been honest with myself.
Renegade thoughts like, "Oh, you're doing great...this little bit of carb won't hurt" or "it's a special occasion...it's okay"
Get the picture??
Well, I've been a member of Sparkpeople website for quite a few years. I log food entries, exercise etc. It's a free website with LOTS of excellent resources for a healthier lifestyle.
Well, this morning I open my email and get this blog entry from a fellow member:

Being Honest With Myself

If I told you I found the secret to success and happiness; if I told you that you could wrap up all of your self-help books and sell them at the book and music exchange; if I told you that you never had to track your food or exercise, ever again you wouldn't believe me, would you? You'd be anticipating that now famous line "But wait there's more..." Well, friends I found it, quite by accident, but I found it and it's as plain as the nose on my face. It's called honesty, more specifically being honest with myself. I can be honest with and about you until the cows come home. I can be supportive and loving and all that cool stuff but until I am honest with myself about who and what I am and how far I need to travel, then it's just a really nice exercise.



BTW: Honesty does not mean beating yourself up. It's why we are afraid to examine it. Some brilliant person many eons ago took the basic principle of physics and applied it to everything in God's creation: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." We've taken that maxim and engraved it upon our souls altering it to mean "For every fault there should be an equal amount of guilt, pain and frustration and oh BTW I'll never into my dream outfit!!!"


So let me be honest


I abuse food. It's my drug of choice. Everything I have learned in the past fifty seven years tells me what is good for my body and what will ultimately harm it. I choose to ignore those warnings. I'd rather dwell on how difficult it is and give myself a pass. My grocery store has two entrances. The first leads you right into the produce and health food departments. That's where all the good stuff is. The second entrance barely allows you the opportunity to catch your breath when you are accosted by a display of cookies, cakes donuts, pies or candy, depending on the time of week or the season. I know when I walk through door two I am most likely going to grab something that isn't good for me. It may taste good. It may provide some gastric pleasure, but when I step on the scale every Thursday I really shouldn't be too surprised when the needle doesn't move, should I? If I walk through door number one I am more likely to get a more positive result. Door two tastes better but door one gives me a long term result... one I am looking for.



Honesty drives everything about us. Only I know when I'm not telling you the truth but in short order it begins to show. When I am not honest with myself I get results because I can adjust the way I live to help me reach my goals and objectives. When I tell myself "it's okay to cheat," then as my trainer told me once when I wouldn't hold a plank correctly, "The only person you are cheating is yourself, John." Amen.


You don't need to take a billboard out on the interstate and advertise your flaws. Find out what's holding you back and come up with a plan to deal with it. Pat yourself on the back for being brilliant enough to think of it. Honesty has nothing to do with guilt. It has everything to do with seeing how far you've come and realizing how far you have to go. We treat it as a sad occasion but really, isn't it a cause to celebrate? You've found the secret of your success.
 
Click here to read his blog
 
I don't know about you, but I REALLY needed to read this. It's no wonder why I am not losing anymore weight! Instead of being strict like I should be, I've been allowing far too many things 'sneak' into my daily life that shouldn't be there.
 
Hmmm...food for thought...

WOW...what a week...

So my family and I experienced a tragedy last week, my oldest brother died in an accident...he was only 33 years old. We were devastated...needless to say, the last couple of days have sucked as far as my healthy high protein low carb eating goes.
I promised myself that I would find a different 'outlet' for times like this. Sadly, what I've been doing the past 2 days is emotionally eat...nothing ridiculous, but still eating when I'm not hungry.
I still feel numb from the situation...like my body and mind have been shot full of xylocaine.
Anyhow, I'm thankful that I am realizing the situation and as of RIGHT NOW I will nip this in the bud! No more white carbs...my body cannot handle white carbs, potatoes, sweets, bread, rice nor noodles. The past 3 days I've had half of a slice of bread and today a few bites of cake.
My body is really REALLY hating me right now and I want to get off these last 9 lbs!!!
I am still exercising each day, which I'm thankful for...but I'm definitely not losing any weight.

Shew...how do you all handle stress?? What are some ways to deal with stress in your life that are healthy? I'm thinking reading, blogging, drawing, exercising, sleeping....
Sleep is what I've been deprived of the past week....so my plan is to get to bed early tonight so I can feel better for work tomorrow.

Sorry that this post is a bit of a bummer, but I promise the next one will be better and more cheerful.

Until next time..

Remembering where I came from...

Some days, like today, I get a little down on myself. It's so easy to look at all of your imperfections...the things that are STILL not up to par....

For example....the infarmous Bat Wing, yes I'm working on this with weight training 2-3 days a week...and it is getting better. But it's hard not to get a little impatient about it.lol

Another example, even though I've been blessed to lose 128 lbs in 15 months *which is awesome!* I STILL have this nagging line in my head of, "you've STILL got 12 more pounds to lose! Why aren't they aren't off yet! Other people have reached their goal by now!"

What helps me during times like these are A.) looking at before and after photos  B.) comparing my quality of life before RNY and now C.) focusing on the GOOD things that have happened and the good things that WILL happen:

    Dec 2009                                                       Feb 2011

Well, a quote from a wonderfully inspiring lady, Joyce Meyer, hits home for me today,

 "I'm not where I need to be but THANK GOD I'm not where I use to be!"

AMEN!!

**Take home message: Focus on the good, NOT the bad!!

Happy Sunday!

So today is pretty day #3 here in Tennessee. Everyone is enjoying the beautiful Spring-like weather! Today is suppose to get to 63 degrees *yay!*
I've already gone for my mile walk outside today and got a nice dose of good ole' vitamin D. The birds are singing their praises this morning and there is a slight crisp breeze!


I am finally down to 162lbs *YAY!* I was at 163 waaaay too long lol  So that makes my goal now 12 lbs away!
In the exercise department, I am kicking butt and taking names! Mon/Wed/Fri 2 miles walking/aerobics and Tue/Thurs resistance band training w/ab workout.
I feel awesome since I started working out. I feel more energized, not as achy in my joints and I feel as though I walk with more confidence now.


I'm getting more into the bariatric friendly cooking/baking now. Eggface rocks my world with her creative cooking ideas! Check the pic of my attempt of Eggface's recipe of Shelly's Protein Truffles:

They are currently chilling in the fridge, but I look forward to trying one later!

Anyhow,  that's all I've got for now. I hope everyone is having a very blessed day.
Have a great week everyone!