Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh, I have SO much to update!

Well yes...I've been a slacker as far as updating this blog is concerned...BUT I do have good things to report!

1.) I have found an exercise that is fun, gets me energized and makes me feel amazing!! What is this amazing exercise??? ZUMBA!! I have seen all the ads and infomercials on ZUMBA and's dancing...whoopie....  Well, a girl I work with has been asking me to attend a local ZUMBA class for awhile..and I finally went this past Thursday.
It was 60 minutes (though it only felt like 20) of high energy, motivating awesomeness! Naturally the girl that invited me is skinny, beautiful and use to do aerobics for many many years. I don't know how, but I kept up with her!
It was the first time, in I cannot tell you how long, that I got lost in what I was doing and loved it. I have found my new stress/fun outlet!!

2.) I am currently hovering between 158-159 (no 160's!! yay!!)
I'm hoping that with the ZUMBA I will get off the rest of the weight.  Realistically...I will be quite content at 150. *even though BMI I am suppose to weigh between 135-145 lbs*

3.) Carb wise I am between 28-35 carbs per day, 6 days a week...on the 7th day I allow myself to indulge a little around 50 carbs.

4.) For awhile, I've been wanting to reward myself for losing 130+ lbs. Nothing sounded good: ie: clothes, day at the spa etc.  Well after having a much needed 'girl's weekend' with some ladies I work with, it dawned on me...I want a tattoo! Naturally being a RNY patient that has lost weight, I love the whole concept of butterflies. I love butterflies anyways...but now they have more meaning to me. Okay, you may  not know this about me...but I do NOT like pain. I'm a wuss...nay.. I am a despiser of pain lol
How I got through even getting the tattoo is beyond me. I got a small pink/purple butterfly on the top of my foot-somewhere I could hide it if need be. This is a hug milestone for me and I wanted something meaningful as a reminder of this milestone. Will I get another tattoo...probably not! I did it though, and I have absolutely no regrets. :-)

I can tell that my body is changing still. My face is a lot thinner, as is my arms and legs. Sadly, the boobs have shrunk waaaay too much. The only 'flab-ish' parts I have are my upper back *around the bra area* and the belly. I can't help but wonder how much of this is just loose skin from me being so obese before.
Sadly, I have already had thoughts of wanting plastic surgery one day. Nothing major like a tummy tuck *ouch! I have seen these done where I work and they look painful!* I was thinking more along the lines of a breast lift/augmentation...just to get the 'girls' looking normal again. I don't want Dolly Parton boobs, but I would like something better than deflated balloons....  Again...this is 'one day'...meaning no time soon. And who knows, maybe I will just grow to love every part of me and just forget the surgery idea!

I hope I do grow to love my imperfections. I think the world is so engrossed in the idea of 'perfection'.  Yes I have stretch marks and excess skin and my body does not look very proportioned at present....but it's me. I feel a million times better NOW than I EVER have in my life! I feel like the inner me is finally lining up with the outer me. I can remember many, many times that I looked in the mirror and expected to see someone smaller, and healthier...only to see an obese/depressed girl looking back at me. In my mind's eye, I still see myself as the obese/depressed girl...but when I look in the mirror I see what I should've seen all along...a happy/healthy girl ready to take on the world!

I stumbled upon a photo the other day. It's a photo my Mom took while I was in the hospital, after I had my RNY surgery. *Side story before I show the pic*

My current boyfriend and I dated about 7 years ago. Although we dearly loved each other, we were both not ready to be in a relationship at that time, for many reasons.  Over the course of 5 years, I would get an email from him from time to time just checking in on me-but nothing more.
Fast forward to November 24th, 2009.........
I'm laying in a hospital bed, looking quite disheveled-hooked up to IV lines and all that jazz. I had just gotten back from the recovery unit and somehow walked from the stretcher to my bed. I remember talking with my Mom...and then all of a sudden she looked out the door of the room and her jaw drops. She looked at me and said, "Amy, you'll never guess who's here..."  Naturally,  I'm all goofy from the Morphine and say, "Ha ha...that would be funny if it was 'C' ..."   At that same moment, 'C' walked right into my room.
It gets kind of foggy, but I remember him giving me a stuffed animal-bird and feeding me ice chips.
We started dating only 2 months after he came back into my life that night in my hospital room. I was in love with him 5 years ago, and even more in love with him now. He told me that he thought I was beautiful laying in that hospital bed, even though I weighed 290lbs... I knew that if he could love the 'obese me', that he could love the 'healthy me'.
And now the picture.....